A Jedi's Lament
by GreySithLord
Summary: Some time after Ahsoka choose to leave the Jedi Order, Jedi Master Plo Koon finds himself in deep thought. Trying to come terms with why he feels so strong about what has happened. I don't own Star Wars, Lucasfilm and Disney does. First story so, constructive criticism welcomed.


To say Plo Koon wasn't a model Jedi would be the same as saying the Sith didn't embrace the Dark Side.

Plo Koon had spent his life in devotion to the Jedi Order, living to the very tenets of the Jedi Code.

Even, if reluctant at first, was granted a seat upon the Jedi Council.

Though, for all his training; all his years spent in mastering the Light Side, was he unable to handle the feelings he felt.

Utter failure and grief.

If his biology allowed, he wouldn't be shocked if her experienced the tears other sentients species would shed in times like this.

He tried to meditate, release these negatively baring emoting to the Force.

Only for him to fail no matter how hard he tried.

His negative feelings still present.

As if they were a malicious parasite to bent on ending him.

Plo felt it best to stand and look out the shaded window of his quarters.

Only to see the battering storm Coruscant was undergoing at the time.

Fitting, he thought, it matched his emotional state well.

As a Jedi he shouldn't allow such feelings to continue to weigh on him and potentially effect him.

Though, he knew it wasn't that simple.

It truly was never that simple.

Many may think the Jedi as emotionless as droids, or that they outright forced themselves to be that way.

It simply wasn't so.

They too experienced the many feelings others felt, but were not to dwell upon them. They were to release their feelings into the Force. So that they would no longer be something to cloud their judgement.

"There is no Emotion," Plo recited. "There is only Peace."

Yet, in all his years, he couldn't help but argue such a view.

For he was definitely not experiencing peace, but the full force of what his emotions could do upon him.

He held his left hand up, and look down.

The hand that allowed all this, he thought.

Had he just said something, he thought.

Believed in her more, then maybe she would still be here.

A Jedi Knight, and one far more worthy of the title than many.

Plo shook his head, wondering how much of these negative feelings were clouding him judgement for such vain thoughts to enter his head.

Yet, he wondered why she left.

Maybe because she feels betrayed, he argued himself.

"But still," Plo said, in a somewhat pleading tone. "She was found innocent."

Maybe because the only one who believed her was the one TRULY worthy of being her MASTER, he internally countered. We should have joined him, searched for any means to show she wasn't guilty of the charges she could never commit.

"I did," Plo said, somewhat weaker than before. "I joined the search for her. Only to find her more guilty than before."

Yet when looking back, all you find is circumstance. Ventress, she did what she had to prevent capture and find something of an ally unlike you. She claimed to have fought her at the ammunition house, yet none of the clones were able to see or hear a single lightsaber blade clash another. Or even see or hear her fall down from the massive hole in the ceiling. Wolfe was the first to catch, how did he not see her fall down or that she was laying on the ground.

"I couldn't have known."

Yet, all you did in joining that search helped put you in more of an antagonizing position than anything.

"I had to," Plo said, beginning to find it peculiar he was arguing with himself. "It was a request from the council."

Yet your fellow council members couldn't see it either, truly blind in the Force. Not even Master Yoda could see the truth.

"The Dark Side clouds everything." Plo said.

The fact of the matter is they couldn't even sense the shift in Dooku, Krell, or Offee. Who is to say Dooku was lying when he told Obiwan of a Sith Lord being in the Senate?

If the Jedi could not see if one, a devout member as her, was unable to commit such a crime is truly blind to such darkness being right in front of them and not seeing it.

"Leave me be!" Plo demanded.

You argue with yourself because you now it is true. Barriss wasn't lying about what has happened about both the Jedi and the Republic.

Yet you, a senior member of the COUNCIL, can not even admit to your failures.

Or would the Senate be upset a proud Jedi Master, star pilot, and general was willing to admit the Jedi Order wasn't perfect.

"Please," Plo loudly pleaded, his left hand now to his forehead. Rubbing to comfort the massive pain he was feeling. "Leave me be!"

These feelings aren't going to leave until you acknowledge why their gone.

"I know why," Plo said in a tone that shocked himself. He never spoke so vehemently before, it reminded him of Dooku from what he was told.

Really, is it just because Ahsoka left. Or something for greater behind it.

Plo really wished he could cry. It would be a serious help right now.

"A Jedi must not have attachments." He said, in an attempt of a neutral tone.

Yet you know that she was more than some random youngling.

Ever since you brought her to the temple, you felt more for her.

Ever since the eyes of that little Torguta looked upon you with hope and joy.

How you always kept tabs on her training. Asked how she was doing from time to time.

Even considered she would be your next Padawan.

Yet, Master Yoda felt it best she be assigned to Anakin Skywalker of all Jedi as her master.

He was barely even a Jedi Knight, and had yet to complete all his trials.

Plo shook his head.

We're these all repressed feelings from over the years?

"Even with all these feelings," Plo said, looking out the window to the rainy city. "It doesn't matter now, she is gone."

Gone because they had failed her.

Gone because he failed to believe in her like Skywalker did.

Maybe it was for the best that Skywalker was her master.

For how could he help her.

One, that he now realizes was a… a… a daughter to him.

He was now on his knees, finally accepting these emotions.

Allowing himself to realize he, Plo Koon.

Member of the Koon family; master of the Electric Judgement technique; partaker of the Stark Hyperspace War; Jedi General of Wolf Pack; and Jedi Council Member, had truly failed at something that was more important than it all.

He failed as to be the father to his Little 'Soka like he silently promised all those years ago.


End file.
